Thoughts on my Dad — Being Kind
“I’ve learned people will forget what you said, forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou
Growing up, Dad was always doing random things for people. He’d pick up a box of donuts for staff at a store or clinic he was a regular at, or he would pay out of pocket for supplies for his students so they could do interesting projects, and he was always generous if family needed anything. He always considered what he could do to bring joy to people, even in small ways.
Dad also loved talking to people and telling them jokes and stories. He was routinely on a first name basis with bus drivers, restaurant serving staff, meat counter folks, pharmacists…going places with Dad was never just about doing whatever we were there for, it was his opportunitiy to socialize and get to know people.
Dad discovered email a few years back when we got him a laptop. I have a long list of emails from him sharing “funny” pictures, videos, jokes, and his random musings. I was part of an email list that included old co-workers, colleagues, his hair dresser, his dentist office, extended family…it was a wide range of people that he had interacted with over the years. He always put in an effort to stay connected.
When Dad died, I took on the task of letting people know. I dropped by the pharmacy as Mom had already talked to them and we had his medications to dispose of. I stepped in the door and before I could say anything his pharmisct saw me and said how sorry he was — he looked genuinely saddened and shocked. I stopped by Dad’s doctor’s office and asked to speak to him, and told him Dad passed; he started tearing up at the news. I emailed his physio person who shared kind words and stories, saying that Dad was a favourite patient. I sent an message to the email thread and the responses were filled with kindness, sadness, and memories from so many people who said they’d miss hearing his jokes, talking to him, or seeing him. The reactions of people to Dad’s death, both right after and over the last few months as I see people and share the news, is beyond the typical “I’m so sorry for your loss”. One person said “The most joyous man I’ve ever met.” How many people leave an impression like that on others? How does a person leave that impression?
If I look at Dad’s life the common thread is kindness: bringing joy to people even in small ways that can mean so much. Talking with people, not just for politeness or out of custom but because you have sincere interest in them. And making efforts to stay connected to people, to build relationships rather than be a mere encounter.
Someone once said to me:
Because if people don’t matter, then what does?
People mattered to Dad, all sorts of people; and he took time to show them that every day in different ways. Imagine what our world would look like if everyone showed a bit more kindness to each other? Imagine how we’d change if we allowed ourselves to be open and vulnerable and give more kindness?
Thanks Dad, for teaching me this through your life and your actions. Miss you.
